But poo-poo is one of those unpleasant facts of life, like taxes and leisure suits, so you're just going to have to learn to deal with it.

Dealing With It: One thing about cats. They are creatures of habit. If a cat makes a poo-poo in a corner once, it will make poo-poos there for the rest of its life. So make sure your pussy starts poo-pooing where you want it to poo-poo, and not, say, in your loafers. Otherwise, you will spend a lot of time washing your socks.

Now, once your pussy starts to poo-poo, you'll want to put something under it to poo-poo into. Which brings us to...

The Litter Box: Litter boxes come in two sizes. Too small and too large. The ones that are too small force your pussy to make poo-poo and wee-wee over the sides of the box, thereby negating the box's worth.

The ones that are too large look empty unless they have 25 pounds of litter in them, thereby making your litter bill equivalent to your weekly food bill. Litter boxes are made from three materials: plastic, which costs a whole lot more than you can imagine; cardboard, which sags when it gets wet; and foil, which pussies like to rip up so any excess fluids can escape. None solve the worst problem of the smell.

The Smell: There is nothing you can do about the smell. You can put baking soda in with the litter if you want to find little white pussy tracks all over the house later. You can try building an enclosure over the top of the litter box and thereby release all the smell at once every time you change the litter. You can even try putting perfume into your pussy's food. It won t work either. Just resign yourself to the fact that you can never have guests in your home again.

When To Change The Litter: Since you yourself will have long lost your own sense of smell, you should look for indications for when it's time to change the litter. Are insects dropping from the air? Is your pussy spending a lot of time with its legs crossed because its too digusted to go in there again? Have they tacked a "quarantined" sign to the side of your house?

Alternatives: Teach your pussy to use the toilet. You use the toilet at the corner gas station.

Have your pussy surgically altered so it never makes poo-poo, then watch it blow up like a balloon.