There are two extremes in disciplining your pussy.

At one end of the scale is saying "Tsk, tsk" and sighing heavily.

At the other end is tying your pussy into a canvas sack with the first nine volumes of the encyclopedia and dropping it into 11 feet of cold water.

But there is really no reason to lay a major hurt on your pussy-until you have exhausted all other avenues.

All Other Avenues: One way to discipline your pussy is to use the Pavlovian or classical method. You'll remember that Pavlov trained his dog to salivate every time the dog heard a bell rung. So every time your pussy does something wrong, ring a bell, and Pavlov's dog will come over and salivate on it.

Another popular method is to alter your pussy s behavior patterns if it falls into bad habits. By altering behavior patterns, you are really altering the way your pussy thinks. Some people say the best way to do this is to correct pussy every time it does something you do not want it to do by showing it the right thing to do. Repetition will eventually produce the desired behavior. Other people say the best way to do this is to tap pussy on the brain with an iron skillet. Repetition will eventually produce a pussy who says "Duh," and shadow boxes a lot.

Preventative Discipline: There are two times when you can discipline your pussy. One time is before it does anything wrong. This is called preventative discipline. Many people from the old

country believed in preventative discipline, although they did not call it that. They called it "Hitting your wife at least once a day whether she deserves it or not." Two results spring from this type of discipline. Complete subservience or terminal hostility. Many husbands died from knife wounds inflicted on them in the middle of the night in the old country. Of course, if you set the proper example for your pussy, you will have less need to discipline it. If it strays from time to time, then you can employ the alternative type of discipine. This is called...

Corrective Discipline: Do this after pussy has committed a no-no. What you do is correct a wrong. For example, if pussy has eaten a plant and it should not have, reach into pussy's stomach and take the plant out and put it back where it came from. Pussy will then see that the plant belongs in the soil, not in its stomach. Later, when you are watching the cat's digestive juices eating away the flesh on your arm, you can have the satisfaction of knowing that your pussy has learned a valuable lesson.